Friday, October 8, 2010

Words mean everything



She lies on her bed, the binding of the mattress pressing into her temple making her scowl she turns to grab the binding in her mouth and squeezes it between her teeth...such a weird thing to do she can read the lines on her face are in a ragey grimace, even from an insider perspective. Some of Hayley's responses have been intensely primal recently...One sudden movement outside Her locked bedroom door stirs a silence and closes her eyes.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The return of Johnny V


Take comfort in the parts he doesn't know
Take comfort in the fact that he has no idea who you are and the fact that his disgusting self is never well hidden

Take comfort in you being too complex for him

Take comfort in the flecks of skin he's mever touched, the freckles he's never seen. The parts he can't even fathom.

Takecomfort in the intimacy he will never be able to acheive, the great people you have that he can never come close to having

Take comfort in the parts of you that are not too weak to fight and destroy him, but are too strong to lower yourself to damaging your most precious commodity... You.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

humans are disgusting. They are disgusting, vile, selfish and hurtful. It's human nature. Today hayley's father said to her" if I had not brought you up right then yu wouldn't be who you are today. It's true hayley's is who she is because if him. But only because of the pure unadulterated way he has impacted her humanity. Humans are rArely capable of getting over the loss of a parents unconditional love but she has trained like an mental athlete. A well oiled machine. She has started using him. Every time a heart is broken it is different... It can break the same as a bone, ending in it healing itself stronger than ever, others shatter onto a million pieces: this one is Hayley's. Her fury toward men and the picks she makes are all due to her awful father.


"some
times....sometimes I wish he was dead"
Hayley's mom: "I always wish he was dead"
those two sentences define her family. All her injuries inside come down to such simple words of pain and hate. She is the family punching bag, she is the only one she has ever been able to understand and she is the only person who fuels her own agony.

 

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The conversion from adolescence

                           

FUCK.

She just keeps saying it to me over and over.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A Hayley insight


The sun is burning every inch of my bare skin, and the rain is a huge blissful contrast. I watch her,watching lovers, watching eagerly her eyes searching faces to find their positions in life. She's trying to replicate their smiles, observant of every move they make. The only time she stops watching them is when she looks to the sky closes her eyes and breaths in the fresh air.


Monday, July 5, 2010

Conspiracy to commit


We find our heroine sitting on the cold stone wall outside her corner bungalow. Looking down, squeezing her eyes tight she wants so badly to be squeezing out tears but she's just squeezing out sobs. Long breathy sobs. Her Vogue cigarette is sitting in her hand . She feels it replicates her status...long burning exsistance.

This is all getting a little over analitical?

 Let's take this where it needs to go.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I ran from you, now I run to you


Hot tears, flushed cheeks, adrenaline takes over I push off the last step. I take two steps at a time now. I reach the landing one more flight and I'm there. My face hits the orange carpet and blood spills from my nose I kick out and push off the step again.
 

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The last crazy one


" Before there was Johnny V there was the man who gave me my straight up realisation smack. The guy who made me see how addicted to the wrong men I really am. His name was Brian Lowes "

August, September 2008
 

Friday, June 25, 2010

Let the right one in




(...Continued from the pink room)
"We're working backwards and that's okay,right? I think. because last saturday I was working backwards too. It was some sort of magnetism. I was damaging myself just by standing in that park. I had damaged myself by looking at the park on google maps. Why was I stupid enough to thing I could handle this shit?
 

Monday, June 21, 2010

In the pink room



I strike a match to light a marlboro red.. they're too strong but they're all I have so I offer one to Hayley. I tell her that I never smoke alone so she has to share the joy.

It's been two days since I last saw her "where have you been?" I ask... "I've been around sometimes I'm just quieter".

I have to fill in the two day blank so here it is:
Hayley klien, the usually stable girl went to find the scene of the crime: Jablonski C's house in the middle of the saturday night. She searched for two hours, going from estate to estate... getting nowhere. And then!!!!
"This place!"


Sunday, June 20, 2010

The One Night Stand: Freak in the sheets.

                        

In the midst of the serious things in life funny things happen. Normal things happen. The world still spins. People still flirt, smile, fuck and burn.
Then night after she met Johnny V and Jablonski C she dabbled in gaining back control. Johnny V had made her feel like she was now his possession with texts like "we should keep this quiet, what we have, our own dirty little secret" .


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Is it time to.....


You'd be amazed at the effects a cigarette can have.


Two days ago, between the hours of 12:50 and 18:10 Hayley Klien spoke with the strong female representative Sassy Strongbow and her less conversationally opinionated sidekick Karlie Nosh. While in the safety of this "no notes taken: EVER" room all information pertaining to the acts that took place on friday the 4th of June were discussed. The rights, the wrongs and the parts that were so sad they were laughable.
What was their take on Johnny V?!


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Either tomorrow is the end, or it's the beginning of a whole new problem


"Me and him live in two different worlds. I live in the world where, I hope, i try to do the best I can. I listen and the word no means no straight away. When the letters are placed in the right formation and flow slowly or rapidly from your lips, whether you're spitting them at someone or playfully shoving someone, often you're saying the word No. His world is dirty, lacklustre. His world lacks colour, innocence and all the subtleties that makes someone stable fall in love. 

He is someone I would describe as beneath me. He is a boy who strives to be someone important but can't find the way. He pleads with everyone to like him and walks all over those who give him a chance because out of all 6,827,519,257 people, in the world at 00:46 UTC Jun 16, 2010, i am the one who is left with his damage. 


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The girl with the questionable morals?

"I dream alot, the dreams bring cold sweats and laughing men... they have been laughing at me every night for a week."

If you want to know how you feel about yourself just check in with your dreams. Hayley does.


"Most nights I just accept that when I fall asleep, which I don't want to they are going to be there, every man I've ever met that ever made me feel bad. All the men I dated and wronged and all the men in the middle that could be seen as HUUUUGE MISTAKES. This dream effected me more than usual, this dream was about what's going to happen... if I report it you see. My fears are realistic . These are the facts: some people will think it's an exaggeration, some will think it's lies, what if people shout at me in the street?!I don't know how to feel."

Hayley's always with me now, in one way or another.


Saturday, June 12, 2010

The first blush

"This is the only time in my life that I'm going to be upset about healing to quickly" Hayley told me.


Let's skip the boring stuff and get back to the story.
Me and Hayley back together.

You have informally been introduced to Johnny V and Jablonski C, unfortunately a formal introduction seems improbable due to the fact that they would have to agree to being awful, unintellegent life forms who deserve to be taken to a shed and have their testicles removed and their wounds sprayed with insecticide, wich as I said is improbable!


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I was watching the fight


“ I made a mistake with him but will I stop making that mistake? What makes a normal, relatively stable girl shake it all up for a boy she hates??”



well we’ve been here before Hayley haven’t we?


“everytime it’s safe you mess it up, you love the danger, the fear that you do not know who you are.”


Let’s call him JOHNNY V.


well, Johnny V had an obsession, he also had a problem, he also had selective deafness. He boxed to this years love courtesy of David Grey he hadn’t yet joined the human race revolution. He was raised as some sort of You Porn product.


Wednesday, June 2, 2010